


Be Okay

by AFallingStar



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:48:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26092135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFallingStar/pseuds/AFallingStar
Summary: “Kurt doesn’t know why he does it. It’s not as if he and Santana had ever had anything resembling a friendship, but he feels drawn to her, feels connected to the anguish in her voice as she realized that her biggest secret in the world was about to be revealed.“This is the evolution of Kurt and Santana’s friendship taking place over a series of one-shots.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	1. Mash off

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series of one-shots exploring the evolution of Kurt and Santana’s friendship off-camera. There will be mentions (and some appearances) of Klaine and Brittana but this will mostly focus on the friendship between Kurt and Santana. I’ve always been drawn to the idea that the two of them would be a fantastic match friendship-wise so I wanted to explore that a bit more. The title has been taken from the song “Be Okay” by Oh Honey which was sung by Santana and Rachel in season 5.
> 
> Each chapter is titled after the episode that it takes place in! Rated M because everything out of Santana’s mouth is usually rated M.
> 
> Hope you’re resting easy, Naya.

He finds her on the bleachers. 

Moments earlier, after the high pitched sound of her palm connecting with Finn’s cheek, Santana had turned on her heel and abruptly exited the auditorium. The room was silent, but her panicked voice had still haunted Kurt. 

“Everyone is going to know now.”

Blaine was looking at Kurt with an expression that resembled everything Kurt was feeling. Around them, everyone exchanged looks of confusion, whispering questions to one and other but Blaine and Kurt shared a moment of understanding, of deep empathy. Brittany started to walk after her, but Kurt stood before she could leave.

”Wait...uh...let me?”

Kurt doesn’t know why he does it. It’s not as if he and Santana had ever had anything resembling a friendship, but he feels drawn to her, feels connected to the anguish in her voice as she realized that her biggest secret in the world was about to be revealed. He felt the eyes of the crowd on him as he did, but he didn’t turn back, instead silently willing that no one would try to follow him.

He left the auditorium with no clue of where to go. It’s on a hunch that he heads outside, he himself feeling over-heated, and imagining that perhaps she shared that sentiment. He sees her dark figure on the top seat of the bleachers, body silhouetted against the rapidly setting sun, but he knows it’s her by the way her shoulders hunch forward, forehead balanced her palms. He climbs slowly, and he knows she’s heard him by the way her head tilts slightly in his direction, though she makes no other attempts to acknowledge him. He sits down, and for a moment he doesn’t say anything. She’s sniffling, tear tracks of black mascara run down her cheeks, and she’s aggressively picking at her cuticles.

”It’s all his fault,” she muttered, still looking down at her nails but speaking loud enough that Kurt knows that she’s addressing him. 

“What did he do?” Kurt replied, needing no clarification of who she’s talking about.

”Basically announced to the whole school that I’m a closet lesbian,” she said, spitting out the last word as if it tasted bad in her mouth.

”I can’t believe he’d do that,” Kurt lies, knowing full well that his stepbrother rarely considers the repercussions of his actions, and he had history of blurting out offensive things in anger.

”That’s not even the worst part,” she choked out, finally looking up and making eye contact with Kurt. “One of your Dad’s competitors is using that information in his commercial. It’s about Sue having a lesbian cheerleader on her team and it’s to try and make her look bad with the conservative crowd. It’s going to be on tv. Everyone is going to know. Everyone.”

All the breath in Kurt’s body catches in his lungs and he feels a sinking sensation of dread when he considers what she’s just told him. Imagines how he’d feel if someone had revealed his secret before he was ready. He thinks of how afraid he was to come out. How he planned the moment for years, imagined the conversation and how it would play out before finally telling his dad on his own terms. He can’t imagine what it would feel like if that decision was torn away from him. 

He doesn’t know what to say, but he can sense from her face that his expression had said enough. He opens his arms and lets her lean into him, resting her head on his shoulder as her body shook with sobs. He feels his own eyes well up, and he fights it for a only a moment before giving in and letting himself cry with her.

”What’s going to happen to me now?” She whispers when her sobs finally subside, making no attempt to sit up from where she was still resting on his shoulder.

”You will survive this,” he replied, overcome with her fear as it seeps through her body into his arms. “I know it feels hopeless right now, but it will be okay, I promise.” 

“How can you be sure?” She asked, reaching up a shaking hand to brush the tears away that were still steadily falling down her cheeks.

”I can’t be,” he said honestly. “But you’re Santana Lopez. Queen Bitch. Satan among us. As if you could let something as trivial as your sexuality destroy you.”

She laughs, and the sound comforts Kurt for a moment as she sits up straighter. 

”I just don’t want my parents to find out on tv. They deserve to hear it from me.”

”I know I would feel the same way if I was you. But don’t feel pressured if you’re not ready. You can deny it all the way to your grave if that’s what you want to do.”

”I don’t know what to think,” she shrugged, looking out over the rapidly darkening football field. “I’ve known for a year now, and it’s been a year of obsessively thinking about it. How I’m going to tell everyone, when I’ll finally spill the beans. I thought maybe I would just kiss Brittany in glee club one day to get a reaction. Although you all pretty much know anyway.”

”Well, we know that you’re in love with Britt. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a lesbian.”

”I am,” she whispers, looking up at him again. “I am a lesbian.”

”Well, glad to welcome you to the club then.” He said as she laughed.

”I’ve barely said that out loud. I wonder what my parents will think? I feel like they’ll be cool with it, but I can’t be sure.”

”I know Brittany might be your first choice, but if you need a safe place to be, you can always come over to my house. Any time, day or night. If you come out to them and it doesn’t go as planned, you can call me and I’ll come pick you up.”

At this, she starts crying again, reaching her arms up and around him. He’s never felt this much physical attention from her before, and he finds that he doesn’t hate it nearly as much as he thought he might. Kurt Hummel doesn’t give hugs freely, but he decides that he’s okay with hugging Santana.

”Does it get easier?” She asks when she finally pulls away, sniffling once again.

”It does,” he answers. “It truly does. You have to own it, own what makes you different. It’s hard to do, I get it, but if you love yourself it’s hard for anyone to get down on you for it. I walk around this school and everyone here knows I have a boyfriend, and hardly anybody gives me a hard time about it anymore.”

”Speaking of hard,” she sniffed, though her eyes were suddenly gleaming wickedly. “Don’t think I don’t know that you Blaine have started doing the dirty. I could tell the minute you came to school on Monday.”

”Oh my god, you’re terrible,” Kurt rolled his eyes, though he could feel the blush forming on his cheeks. “We aren’t talking about me here.”

”You know sex talk makes me feel better,” she shrugged, laughing slightly. “I want details Hummel.”

”You’re crazy if you think I’m going to tell you about my sex life,” Kurt laughed with her, though his insides were twisting with embarrassment. “Are we that obvious?”

”Well Blaine has started eyeing you up as if the sun shines out of your ass, so I assumed it meant that he’s seen it recently.”

It was Kurt’s turn to groan and rest his face in his palms, completely overcome with embarrassment at the abrupt turn this conversation had taken. 

“We are so not talking about this.”

Santana laughed and dropped the subject, and she turned to look at the field again. Kurt followed her gaze and absently noticed that some clouds were starting to roll in, and he wondered if that meant that rain was coming.

”I don’t want everyone to look at me differently.” She said finally, picking at her cuticles again.

”Well, they probably will,” Kurt shrugged. “But it’s up to you whether or not you let that affect you.”

”When did you realize?” She asked, timidly. “That you were gay?”

”I couldn’t tell you exactly when, it’s sort of like I always knew. But I had a word for it when we had the birds and bees talk in middle school. They were talking about relationships and they mentioned that some people are attracted to the same gender and that those people are gay. I literally couldn’t breathe for a moment because I realized that it was exactly how I had always felt. I knew then, but I didn’t tell anyone for a really long time.”

”Hmm,” she replied, still gazing out over the field.

”When did you realize?” Kurt asked sounding confident, though inside he secretly worried that she’d slide back into her old self and sock him for asking.

”It’s weird, I literally had no idea until last year. Holly Holiday—you know that weird sub—came in to give us a sex talk,” she rolled her eyes. “Brittany and I had been hooking up for years and we decided we needed to talk to someone about our relationship because we were both confused. Ms. Holliday is the one who planted the seed for me. At first I thought I was bisexual or something, or that Brittany was the only girl I was attracted to, but then I realized that I don’t get turned on by guys at all. I find men attractive, sure, but I was only having sex with them because that’s what girls like me do.”

”That must have been hard to come to terms with,” Kurt replied.

”It was. I couldn’t stop crying about it. But I was also relieved? Because it was like that strange part of me that had never felt quite right was finally becoming clear. Does that make sense?”

”It weirdly does,” Kurt replied, and he found that it did.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Santana abruptly stood up. 

”Will you run with me?”

”What?!?” Kurt exclaimed, fully confused at the change of tone and wondering if he had misheard her.

”I need to run, come on!”

With that, she dusted off her dress, and started jumping down the bleachers, calling over her shoulder for him to follow. She was headed down toward the track, which solidified to Kurt that he hadn’t misheard her at all. 

”Are you insane?!” He replied, taking note of the dark dress and heels she was still wearing. “You can’t run in that!” Despite his objections, he couldn’t help but stand and follow, undeniably curious about where this was going. 

When he finally caught up to her, she was standing at the edge of the track and unpinning her long hair from where it hung over her shoulder. Overhead the sky rumbled, and the threat of rain was creeping in. Kurt took stock of his own outfit, and wondered if helping Santana was worth the damage but it took only one look at her as she shook her out her hair behind her to convince him. She toed off her heels just as the rain started falling and held out her hand.

Kurt hesitated for only a moment before he accepted it, and just like that they were running.

The rain was falling lightly, and Santana’s hair was whipping behind her as she shrieked with laughter. Kurt couldn’t help his own laughs as he ran harder than he had ever ran before. They ran like kids on a playground, allowing the rain to wash the horror of the day from their skin. He knew they must look ridiculous, running hand-in-hand on the empty track, the autumn shower ruining their clothes as Santana’s bare feet made slapping sounds on the ground as they went. But they laughed together, though tears were still falling and mingling with the droplets of rain, a mess of exhilaration and exhaustion. Eventually they collapsed, chests heaving, flat on their backs, staring up at the grey clouds as the steady rainfall continued.

Kurt didn’t have to look to his side to know that Santana still cried next to him, though the occasional gasp of laughter still slipped out. Kurt knew he was crying too, but he felt relaxed, as if the run had healed the hurt that had plagued him all these years. He wondered if Santana felt the same way, and he reached his hand out to find hers, grateful when he made contact. 

”We’re going to be fine,” he said, squeezing her trembling hand in his own. 

“Of course we will be,” she replied with a confidence that only she could carry and for the first time in his life, Kurt found that he believed it.


	2. Dance with Somebody

“Snap,” Santana’s voice cuts sharp through the fog in Kurt’s brain, but he focuses instead on Blaine’s retreating back. His heart was aching, and his mind was muddled in confusion and guilt. 

The room was silent, and he could feel their eyes on him as he stared determinedly at the space that Blaine had just departed from. After a few minutes, he hears Tina, speaking timidly, as if afraid of his reaction. 

“Kurt...what ha—“

But Kurt doesn’t stay to hear the rest. He stands abruptly and walks down the risers, swiftly sweeping through the door without a second glance back. 

***

Kurt’s room is dark, but the last bit of daylight is still peaking through the gaps in the blinds. He lays on his back on his bed, phone clutched in one fist as he waits for Blaine to text. It’s a strange feeling, waiting for a text that he’s not sure will even come. His phone vibrates periodically, but it’s never the name he wants to see when he looks down at it.

Kurt’s heart feels riddled with guilt, and deep down he knows why. He knows that what he was doing with Chandler was different than the situation with Sebastian. Sure, Sebastian was constantly coming on to Blaine, but he was never as forward as Chandler was. Sebastian knew about Kurt, while Kurt purposely didn’t tell Chandler about Blaine. And then there was the simple fact that Kurt knew it was happening, while he himself had kept Blaine in the dark.

The texts with Chandler were mostly innocent pick-up lines, but some had crossed over into a different territory rather quickly. He thought of the one he had received just before Blaine had come over that fateful night. 

**C- there must be a light switch on my forehead because every time I see you, you turn me on!**

And it was that sentence. That one sentence that ignited a thrill inside Kurt that he never allowed himself to feel about anyone other than Blaine. And he knew it was wrong.

”Hey bud,” Kurt heard suddenly, startled out of his musings by the sound of his father’s voice. Burt stands in the doorway and he’s frowning slightly, eyes taking in the sight of Kurt lying there in the dark doing nothing. “Is everything okay?”

 _Of course it’s not_ , Kurt thinks furiously to himself, but his lips say instead, “I’m fine. Just tired from school.”

Burt looks skeptical, but he doesn’t push, instead humming in response before saying; “Carole and I are on our way out on a date. I’ve left money on the counter if you want to order something for yourself, and I think Finn is on his way to Rachel’s.”

“Sounds good, Dad. Have fun,” Kurt smiles a bit to try and reassure his dad but it doesn’t quite feel convincing.

“We will...I love you, Kurt.”

”Love you too, Dad.”

His dad had just left the room when Kurt hears the sound of the doorbell ringing, but doesn’t pay much attention to it, instead choosing to list all the ways he was a bad boyfriend:

  1. Texted another boy and didn’t tell Blaine about it. 
  2. Forced Blaine to switch schools for him—



”Hey...Kurt?” Burt’s voice interrupts him from his self-loathing when he called up the stairs. “There’s a friend here to see you!”

Kurt frowns and wonders who could possibly be coming over to visit him unexpectedly. Rachel and Mercedes knew better than to drop by unannounced when Kurt was in a mood, and he knew it wasn’t Blaine because Burt would’ve just sent him up. 

“Uh, send them up I guess,” he shouts back, his curiosity not strong enough to convince him to get up from where he laid sprawled on his bed. 

“Woah, who died?” 

Kurt groaned at the sound of her voice. Of COURSE she would find her way here.

”What are you doing here, Satan?” He asked, reaching for one of his decorative pillows and dragging it over his face.

“Budge up,” she said by way of response, pushing on Kurt’s hip until he moved over. He felt her weight close to him as she flopped down on the bed.

”Want to talk about it?”

”No.”

”Okay.”

They lay there in silence, Kurt holding the pillow close to his face as if he could disappear within it’s depths. Santana didn’t say anything, but he was acutely aware of her presence, listening to her breathe softly next to him. It was weird, having a girl lay on his bed with him, and he let the novelty of it distract him from his musings. It felt different than lying next to Blaine, she was certainly lighter, and he could barely feel her. He wondered for a moment if she was even still there, so he lifted the corner of his pillow to check. 

Yes, still there, lying on her back and staring at the ceiling. For the first time since Santana had arrived he noticed that she was no longer wearing her Cheerios uniform. She had on a pair of black leggings and a baggy blue sweatshirt. Her hair was loosely braided down the back of her head and she was fiddling her thumbs. He wondered why she came.

”Why are you here?” Kurt asked again, watching her thumbs twist nervously.

”You stormed out of that room like your ass was on fire, I just wanted to see if you were okay,” Santana replied, turning her head on the pillow to make brief eye contact before swinging her legs off the bed and walking over to his closet.

”That was like two hours ago! And since when do you care if I’m okay?”

”I care, okay?” She replied, rolling her eyes at him as she scrutinized the clothes in his closet. “So, who did you get with that made little Blainers have an aneurism?” 

“Ugh no one! I didn’t cheat!” Kurt said, sitting up so that he could face her properly. 

“You must’ve done SOMETHING,” she replied, holding up one of Kurt’s more elaborate sweaters up to her chest. “This thing has so many tassels! Planning for a career in erotic dance?”

”Ugh shut up! There are many uses for tassels!” Kurt said, standing off the bed to return the sweater to the closet. When he returned to his spot, he felt Santana following him. 

“So what did you do?” She said, sitting on the end of the bed and tucking her legs under her.

”I didn’t cheat,” Kurt began, wanting to make himself perfectly clear. “I suppose not physically anyway.”

”Spoken like a true cheater,” Santana replied, rolling her eyes.

”I didn’t! But I was texting...uh another guy.”

”Kurt Hummel, how scandalous! Who is he?”

”Just some guy I met at Between the Sheets,” Kurt replied, shrugging and keeping his gaze lowered. “His texts were starting to become...less than innocent?”

”So are we talking about cutesy flirting or full-on dick pics?” Santana asked.

”You’re so vulgar,” Kurt replied, finally looking up at her. She was smirking at him and waggling her brows suggestively. 

“Oh come on, don’t go all prude on me! You can’t fool me Hummel!” 

“I’m not a prude! But no, no dick pics...just harmless flirting.” He replied, rolling his eyes.

“I’ll be the judge of that!” She declared, holding out her hand for the phone. Kurt considered her for a moment before giving in and handing it over.

“Well?” He asked after a few minutes of watching her scroll.

”I suppose it bodes well for you that you don’t usually respond,” she said, quirking her eyebrow as she continued to read. “But these are getting a little...steamy?” 

Kurt groaned and flopped back on his bed, pulling the nearest pillow over his face again.

”It’s just started to get like that,” he confessed, his words muffled by the pillow.

”And how do you feel about that?” Santana asked as she set his phone down. Kurt felt her hand tug on the edge of the pillow and he allowed her to pull it off him.

”I don’t know,” he lied, avoiding making eye contact with her.

Santana scoffed and crawled over him, laying down on her side with her hands pillowed under her head.

”Tell me the truth,” she requested, watching him carefully.

Kurt sighed before rolling over to face her. She didn’t look like she was judging him too harshly so he decided to be honest.

”I liked it,” he confessed, the words stinging his throat as they came up. “I hate to say it but it felt nice...to be wanted...like that.”

“Why are you embarrassed about that?” Santana asked curiously. “Everyone likes that kind of attention.”

“Not me,” Kurt said, watching her survey him in the darkness as the last bit of daylight faded. “I didn’t even let myself think about that kind of stuff until Blaine...it made me too embarrassed.”

”Sex stuff?” 

Kurt’s cheeks burned with the embarrassment that came with discussing this with someone who wasn’t Blaine. He never talked to anyone about his anxieties around intimacy, not even Rachel and Mercedes during their sleepovers. But he felt a strange connection with Santana so he allowed himself to be vulnerable.

”Yeah, I was pretty anxious about it for a long time. I never let myself think about anyone in a sexual way until I met Blaine. I was so embarrassed that I was only attracted to men, and I was terrified of seeming predatory so I just kind of...turned that part of my brain off?”

Though the room was dark, Kurt could still see Santana’s eyes piercing into his own as she considered his words. 

“I get it,” she said finally. “Except for me it was the love thing, not the sex thing. I had been hooking up with Brittany for so long and I had just excused it as normal experimentation but I freaked out when I realized that I was feeling something else. I didn’t want anyone to know I was having those feelings for a girl.”

Kurt felt a rush of emotion at realizing that there was someone else who understood him.

”That makes sense,” he said and they lapsed into silence again.

Eventually, Santana spoke.

”So you were confused by feeling sexual attraction to someone other than Blaine?”

”Yes,” he replied, fidgeting with his comforter. “I don’t think about anyone in a sexual way, and other people certainly don’t think of me like that either.”

Santana frowned. “Don’t you watch porn? Or see a cute guy on the street and feel attracted to them?”

”I don’t watch porn,” Kurt said quickly, feeling his cheeks heat up once again. “I guess I feel attracted to other people but in a ‘let’s fall in love’ kind of way, not a ‘let’s have sex’ way.”

”Hmm,” Santana replied.

”That’s how it started with Blaine,” Kurt said, the words spilling out of him quickly now. “I was entranced by the idea of falling in love and holding hands and going on dates. We didn’t even talk about the sex thing until months and months after we started dating. And we only just started having sex recently, so these feelings are new to me. It was nice to be noticed in that way by someone else, I guess.”

”Have you told Blaine this?” She asked, eyes free of judgement. Kurt was surprised that he was feeling so comfortable sharing this with her, but he did like having a new confidant.

”No...but I will. I only just realized this afternoon why I was being so secretive about it all. I hope he understands.”

“He will,” Santana replied confidently, sitting up and stretching.

Kurt watched her for a moment before trying again. 

“Why are you here?” 

She was sitting on the edge of his bed, poised to stand up when her back stiffened at his question. She looked over her shoulder at him. 

“I went home and my Abuela was at my house. I couldn’t stay there.”

Kurt didn’t need to hear anything else.

”Do you want to hang out here? We can order pizza?”

Kurt watched the tension leave her body as she nodded. They both stood up and made their way to the door.

”So, why didn’t you go to Brittany’s?” He asked as they walked downstairs.

“I thought about it, but I decided you probably needed someone to talk to.”

”Aww Satan, you do have a heart after all!” He joked, nudging her with his shoulder.

”Ew Hummel, don’t fall in love with me or something!” 

Kurt laughed as he rummaged in a kitchen drawer for the takeout menus. He knew Blaine needed space so he resolved to text him in the morning after he’d cooled off. But for now, he was glad to have some company.

**Author's Note:**

> I promise that not every chapter will be quite this angsty, I plan on having equal parts angst and humour which is the perfect recipe for a friendship (if you ask me).
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
